One Day At A Time

In Al-Anon, an often repeated phrase is "One Day At A Time". I have heard this phrase repeated countless times in my short time in the program and have noticed it is a daily mantra for many of my fellow Al-Anon members. It's a favorite in my group. My first few meetings I thought these people might be a little nutty the way they respond to phrases like this: Over zealous nodding and agreement like they were in church and the preacher was just really on point today. It gave me the impression that this one phrase had been revolutionary when it seemed like a very simple, almost idiotic and trite piece of wisdom.

Living with an active addict and alcoholic brought so much pain and confusion that I felt like existing "one day at a time" was really the only option. Wasn't that what I was already doing? I couldn't plan ahead. I couldn't set goals. I couldn't see past the current mood or the most recent fight. Any time I made progress on something so simple as getting the house clean or complex as setting up a new household budget, it felt like it was immediately dirtied or muddied up with a discouraging comment. Thanks for the advice, guys, but maybe less cliche's and more practical advice would help? For example: How do I get my husband to stop drinking and start working? Is there a cute little catchphrase for that?

What I couldn't see then and am starting to see now is that this one tiny snippet of the program, this over-used bit of common sense, has changed lives. People like me who were lost, alone and living in all encompassing fear could not see the damage we were doing to ourselves and our families by getting swallowed up in just surviving the day without any perspective.

One Day At A Time to me used to mean, "One minute at a time... just make it through this". Every day was a battle to not lose my mind. I was becoming so accustomed to riding a roller coaster every day I forgot that the only person who could get me off the ride, was me. It has taken a lot of practice and I am still working really hard at applying the lesson, but when problems arise and I start to feel the panic of the unknown, I can take a deep breathe and remember to take things "One Day At A Time".

Now, One Day At A Time means "I'm going to be ok, no matter what today brings."

The real wisdom of this piece of advice, in my life, is that it has allowed me to be open to tomorrow by not getting bogged down in today. By not being so focused on the disappointments of any given day and absorbing my thoughts with the implications of those disappointments on the future with my husband, I have unburdened the dreamer within myself. Through the twelve step program in Al-Anon I'm allowing myself the grace to know that any one moment may be really hard, but that doesn't have to define the next 24 hours. By just focusing on the problems of today as they effect the day and not the rest of my life, I can move on with my life and make it something worth living.

This phrase has also been helpful in rebuilding specific areas of my life as they were unrecognizable in their brokenness before. One Day At A Time has also meant "One thing at a time". While trying to pay off debt, trying to get the house in order, trying to get a degree, everything. Even as simple as trying to get the kids dressed and out the door some days (Ok. Every day). One step at a time. One class at a time. One missing shoe at a time. Take a deep breathe and remember that this is One Day. One of many.

My life before Al-Anon felt like I was being rushed down stream in a strong current. I kept reaching out for branches or anything to hold on to and trying to get back to shore but the current was too strong. Now I feel like I've at least found a canoe. Even if I never reach peaceful waters, maybe I can enjoy the ride.